I Like 'Em Long and Thick...

There is no doubt in my mind that the 1980's are back and not in any kind of good way. We're living in the alternate reality where Biff came to power. Our President was elected by people who are tired of "political correctness" and despise the steady empowerment of everyone who isn't white and male over the past few decades. Everything from politics to pop culture is over the top and simultaneously soulless. So of course the big question for me is- what am I going to do with my nails??

My nails are really important to me and I used to spend a lot of time on them, arriving at the salon with print outs and photos saved on my phone, gleaning inspiration from John Hughes movies, Atomic Age retro design and everything in between. Lately I just don't care that much. But I believe nails are a really important means of self-expression. Since the 80's are back, of course there's plenty of manicures gracing the runways that go well with the destruction of the middle class. I was doing crazy, jewel-encrusted, trashy, tacky nails for years, and although I don't go as wild with it these days, I still get my nails did regularly and my favorite smell is Nail Salon. So do I ease upon the acrylic glitter powder in protest?

I think I have to turn here to my nail idol Nomi Malone. Her taste is of course impeccable, and her style timeless. I do have one hesitation. Am I no longer at an age where I can pull off ANYTHING?  

Source: https://68.media.tumblr.com/27cc052bf0577014970d13fbf79ffb5a/tumblr_n43jdwiIJ91twyiczo1_500.gif

Of course the fuck not. I am not going to pretend that everything is just fine, that I'm going to sit down and cool off because I'm getting older, that I have to be preoccupied with questions like is my skirt too short or my hair too long (neither of which would ever actually be an issue for me, but still). I'm not going to fight the battles ahead by throwing away my glittery underpants and becoming "classier." I'm a trashy bitch now and I will be until my last breath. So what would Nomi do? She would glue on some really long extensions, cake them with more iridescent polish and tiny diamonds than ever, and get ready to fuck up some misogynist assholes.So that's what I'm gonna do. And we all know what happened to anyone who crossed Nomi...